Sanjay is crazy about movies. Mostly he liked comedies, adventure and sentimental movies. Perhaps this craze is purely an inherited one. His father used to take him to the cinema theaters and show him old classical movies. Those adventure filled movies always dominated the world of fantasies in Sanjay’s childhood. Even when he grew up, that craze got bigger and bigger. He used to admire many film stars. He liked to collect the advertisements featuring those stars, from newspapers and magazines. The room in his house had all those pictures adorning the walls. Fantasizing about himself as a movie star, was one of the favorite past time hobby for Sanjay. In those dreams, Sanjay would be flying over the jungles and mountains, or doing scuba diving to the depths of the sea, to retrieve treasures hidden by the sea floor.
When he passed the teen age and became an employee of a big multinational company in Mumbai, earning his own money, he didn’t forget to spare a share of his monthly earnings for watching and buying good movies. When he got opportunities to get hold of the best films from all over the world, be it Spanish, or Japanese or Mexican or Hollywood or the best of Indian cinemas, he didn’t waste those chances. He watched them, fully involving into the themes portrayed in those films. His first preference was always the films from his native language- Malayalam. For him, the most thought provoking and sentimentally appealing films were indeed coming from his native language. He had clear preferences about the actors from Malayalam film industry. Some of those preferences were carried over from the childhood itself. He used to participate in polls for selecting best actors and actresses, whenever he gets access to those processes, especially through internet. Never could Sanjay imagine that, one such polling sessions, would turn out to be an event, which would be etched forever in his memory.
It was a Friday evening in January. Friday is the most interesting day of the week for Sanjay. After a week’s tiresome schedules in the office, he gets time to relax for two full days. That’s when he devotes himself to the world of movies. As usual, throwing his shoulder bag to the bed, Sanjay switched on the television. Relaxing on the sofa, he started surfing through the channels. Friday evening, the television channels were occupied by reality shows and mega serials, neither of which captured Sanjay’s interest. He went to the kitchen and grabbed some snacks and drinks. When he came back to the seat, the Malayalam channel was showing some advertisements which he liked very much. After a few more advertisements, there came an announcement, for viewers to poll, for selecting the best actor and actresses in the Malayalam film industry. It also mentioned that viewers can participate in the poll by logging into the channel’s website. Sanjay was an internet savvy guy. Not having internet connection, even for few minutes, could upset him very much. He immediately noted down the website address and opened his laptop.
There were various sections in that website. Carefully analyzing the options available, he voted for the best actor, best actresses, best comedian, and many other categories where he wanted to express his opinion. After he participated in the poll, when he closed the website, another website popped up with a catchy title.
“Golden Raspberry awards in Malayalam.”
Golden Raspberry award or Razzies award is a parallel award system prevailing in Hollywood, where the worst performances of the year are acknowledged. Usually the awards are announced a day before the real Oscar awards declaration. Sanjay could not stop his curiosity. He clicked on the links to that website. It opened another website with lot of funny things inside.
“Golden opportunity to select the worst actor, worst actresses and worst film in Malayalam film industry for this year. Win attractive prizes by expressing your opinion. Once the awards are announced, the first five persons who have sent the correct nominations in each category, would be given very attractive prizes”
Sanjay got interested in the way the website offered selections for various categories. There were video clippings for different categories. He viewed many of the video clippings for worst actors, worst actresses, worst screenplays, worst films etc. After half an hour, he finished his polling and closed the laptop. It was ten in the night. He took a quick dinner, and switched on the television. Star movies was playing a Hollywood blockbuster James bond movie, “Die another day”. He set up auto-off in the television. Lying on the sofa, he watched the movie, which eventually took him to deep sleep.
Couple of days later, when he came back from office and surfed the channels as usual, he was thrilled to listen to the Malayalam film awards announcements . To his delight, the best actor and the best films were as per his polling. Since the channel mentioned that details of the film awards can be obtained from their official website, he opened his laptop and started surfing.
There were detailed reports and photographs. He watched the clippings from the interviews of his favorite stars and directors. On the right hand side of the web page, there were links to many other film related sites. His eyes searched for Golden raspberry awards in Malayalam and it was right there at the bottom. He clicked on the link. The site came up with a catchy heading as before.
“Nothing can be worst than this” ..
Along with that report, was the photograph of the veteran actor Rajendran. Incidentally, Sanjay had also voted for Rajendran for his worst performances in some Malayalam films. Sanjay realized that, his judgment about films and actors is not that bad as shown by the various award results. The website also featured the responses from celebrities coming from various faces of the society, about the raspberry award in Malayalam. Some criticized it as an attempt by western oriented pessimists, to degrade the morale of people in the film industry. But, some argued that it is a part of the entertainment industry, which should be seen with sportsman spirit. Sanjay spent good time reading through all these, before closing the laptop.
Time passed away. Every year presented itself with various emotions to Sanjay. Promotions in job, arrival and departures of friends and relatives, deaths, marriages and birthdays of people near and dear… everything followed at regular intervals. Sanjay’s interests and priorities changed. But his craze with movies didn’t change. His collection of movies increased every year. He was regular in internet polling for film awards. Without missing even one, he regularly voted online for film awards in Malayalam and Hindi film industry. Only on the fourth internet poll results of the Golden Raspberry in Malayalam, he noticed an interesting trend. The website of the award organizers showed that year’s result as
“Rajendran consistently grabs the worst actor award for the fourth time”.
That year also, just like the previous years, Sanjay had voted for Rajendran in the worst actor category. He felt proud about the consistency of his analysis of the film talents. While surfing through the various reports in that web page, Sanjay wondered, how come a professional actor perform abysmally, four years successively, in spite of the humiliating worst actor award for four times. After going through some of the video clippings of Rajendran, he said to himself
“if I am a producer or director, I will never ever risk my career by including this guy in my films”
Three more years passed. In the month of May, Sanjay took a long vacation. He had plans to visit a friend of him staying in Palghat, the northern district of Kerala, on his way to Trivandrum, his hometown. First he reached palghat on a Friday evening and spent couple of days with his friend and his family. He had a nice time enjoying the picturesque country side of Palghat. After the tour there was over, he went to the Palghat railway station to board the train to Trivandrum. The express train in which he had reservation, was scheduled to depart at 11.30 in the night. He reached the station half an hour early. His friend accompanied him to the station. Train arrived on time. Since he was already tired of travelling, he found his berth, put his luggage securely and went to sleep immediately. He was in the upper berth. The rhythmic movement of the train played a lullaby for him. He had to wake up in between when the ticket examiner came to check the passengers who boarded the train from palghat.
The sudden jerk of the train when it reached Ernakulum woke him from sleep. He looked at the watch. It was 10.00AM. The train was running late. He was in so deep sleep that he didn’t realize that it was already morning and the fellow passengers on the lower and middle berths are not sleeping anymore. He climbed down and sat on the side seat which was empty. There was a thirty minutes halt at Ernakulum. Only few people were there in the compartment. May be it was not a weekend and hence the train was not that crowded . Sanjay freshened himself and came back to the seat. He bought a hot coffee and vada from a vendor who sold snacks inside the train. Exactly after thirty minutes the train whistled and started crushing the rails in rhythmic pattern. Sitting on the side seat, Sanjay started enjoying the greenery outside. Train journey was always interesting for him. As the train rushed through the rails cut across the heartlands of Kerala… as it passed through rivers, paddy fields and country side roads….he got elevated into a state of unexplainable happiness. Usually, it is at that time he is taken into his own world of imaginations. Just like every time, he was about to sail into his world of fantasies. But a new passenger who came to sit in that compartment, which was barely occupied, stole his attention. It was an old man. His face was filled with tiredness. He had a thin and frail body which bore the marks of invading old age. He was wearing a white shirt and a white dhothi. He carried a leather bag in his left hand. The unshaven face and the lack of shine in his eyes were an indication of the man’s struggle in life. Some books Sanjay read, on psychological analysis of people based on their attire, indicated something similar to that.
The man sat on the window seat in the compartment. He took out a small book and started reading. When he turned his face towards Sanjay’s side casually, Sanjay looked at him. Somewhere something was striking...the face looked very familiar. Sanjay tried hard to remember. It didn’t take much time for him to know who it was. It was the veteran Malayalam actor..Rajendran..who was elected as worst actor for many years. Sanjay looked again and again ..just to confirm that it is Rajendran only. The face looked same..may be the tiredness accompanying the old age has made him a shadow of his better times. A curiosity started growing in Sanjay. He thought of starting a conversation with Rajendran. Though he hesitated first, he thought of going ahead.
“Excuse me? Are you Mr. Rajendran, Malayalam film actor?
The man, lifted his face from the book he was reading. Taking his reading glass out of his eyes, he looked at Sanjay for few seconds.
“Yes I am. Do you know me? The man asked in a soft voice.
“Yes of course..though I am not residing in Kerala, I do watch all Malayalam films. I have seen many of your films. I like your performance. Gad to meet you”!!
Rajendran looked straight into Sanjay’s eyes for some time. Then said
“Did you say that from your heart. Or you are one among the many, who felicitated me with the worst actor award ?
There was a smile on his face, when he asked this question. It had all the essential flavors of sarcasm, pain, struggle, anger and helplessness. Sanjay could not answer him immediately. He never expected such a question. Few moments later he said
“Oh no..please don’t think so. A good artist gets people’s recognition by his or her hardwork only..not through awards. I know you are a good artist. You don’t have you bother about those awards..you shouldn’t be”!!
That started a friendly conversation between Rajendran and Sanjay. Sanjay told about his interests in films and how closely he watches the incidents in the film industry. Few minutes later, Rajendran opened his mind. May be he was waiting for someone to listen to his story. Wiping his spectacles with the tip of his dhotthi, Rajendran started his narration.
“Have you seen the movie called “Rain Drops of April”. It was released eight years back”.
“No ..I haven’t”. said Sanjay.
“Not a surprise. Like you, many in Kerala must not have seen that movie. Very few of them must have at least heard of the movie. It was my fiftieth film. Before that I acted in all comedy films and all of them were roaring success. I didn’t have difficulty in getting roles those days..they kept on coming..but they were the same stereotype roles. I gave life to many comedy characters, which made people laugh like anything. I really had good times. But no director dared to cast me in a different role. Everyone portrayed me as a laughing machine. I had requested many directors to give me villain roles or some serious roles in their films. They all said, the viewers may not like to see me in a different role. For them, casting me in a different role was like risking their money.
He opened his bag and took out a photograph. It was an old looking black and white photograph, with its edges torn and colour fainted. It was a college photograph..perhaps taken during some college festival.
“see this picture. This is me. I am getting the university gold medal for the best drama actor from our vice chancellor. I still keep this picture as a treasure. I don’t think I ever got any prize, precious than this one, from anywhere. In spite of the fact that I won the award in college for serious roles, I got my initial roles in films as a comedian. I did that job very well. ..Which lead to my fortune and eventually to my ruins. I had to wait till my fiftieth’ film, for taking up a serious role. A good friend of mine, decided to cast me in his debutant directorial venture, as a serious supporting actor. I still feel, that was one of my best films. I put my blood and soul while acting in that film. It was named “Rain drops of April”- a beautiful film captured in a romantic background. Everyone, including me, gave their best performance in that film. But somehow, it didn’t run even for a week. In fact that was a point where my career started taking a nose dive.
Couple of years later, five of my films, all in the same old comedy roles, became box office flops. The so called film critics started crying for my blood. Some even categorized me as an actor of old genre. In their view, actors like me where mis- fits in the culturally progressing film industry. That was the time when I smelt trouble…the onset of financial turmoil. When I had good times, I never bothered to make savings. I lived my life royally. Partying, roaming around with friends, watching all films, sometimes watching one film even five to six times. Any way..no regrets on the bygone days. All I know is that when bad time comes, it just pours down the miseries on you. It was not different in my case. It didn’t surprise me.
In all the subsequent films, the producers talked to me about my falling market rates, with a polished smile on their face. It was a clear indication from their part that beggars cannot be choosers. I was supposed to act with whatever they decide as my fee. I was slowly realizing that the ground beneath my feet was sinking. Well..I had no other choice then. It was a time when so many popular mimicry artists got into the comedy films roles. Even today they command supremacy in comedy roles. So goes their rates. During that time, I became concerned about my bank account, which was abysmally small. There was absolutely nothing much left in my bank account. In the spending spree through a lavish life style, I forgot the basics lessons of life.
Rajendran opened his leather bag and took out a bank passbook. There were many cheque leaves inside that passbook. Many of hem had bank seals on top of it.
See all these things? These are all bounced cheques. If I was paid the amount in all these cheques, which I am supposed to get, probably I would have got a fairly good savings to take me through the rest of my life, not being at someone’s mercy.
“What happened? Why are these cheques bounced? Asked Sanjay
“Well..my friendly producers gave my fee like this only. When I receive the intimation from the bank, I would realize that there is no money in that bank account where the cheque is drawn. I didn’t even have the courage or money to have a confrontation with them. Well..I was never a fighter..may be that’s my inability. I was feeling so suppressed lately. Many times I requested the producers to clear my money. All they gave me were sweet promises. So many cheques..none of them getting paid..But still I acted …as comedian only..whatever roles came to me, I tried to enact them. For me it was a matter of survival. Even today it is the same.
It was at that time, some intelligent guy started up the idea of choosing the worst actor. Fate had my name reserved as the winner of the worst actor award. That’s the irony in life. You would wish for many things in life..if you are not so lucky, none of them will come on your way..no matter whatever you do. But the misfortunes will always be waiting for you around the corner. One false step you take, they jump over and overpower you. Many film viewers rated me as the worst actor. Film magazines and critics roared for my blood. They wrote many articles about the falling standards of my acting. .I am not blaming anyone. But it had to be me.
For four years successively, I was elected as the worst actor. Media, critics and everyone liked me in that role. Those incidents practically sealed my fate as an actor. Hardly any producers visited me last year. I was almost forgotten. Last week a good friend of mine advised me to come to Ernakulum and meet a young director and producer. I came here carrying lot of hopes. But they made me realize that I am an old stock. Their picture is pretty modern and there are no suitable roles for me. I felt that I am good for nothing.. a simple rotten old stock. So I am here. Going back to my home..sitting with you in this train..making you bored to death with my story.
Rajendran took his specks off his eyes. He lifted the tip of his dhotthi and wiped his eyes. Then he put the specs back. For few minutes no one talked. Only the rhythmic sounds of the train and it’s occasional whistles prevailed in the air.
“I have no complaints. Don’t know how many more years I have to spend before leaving this mortal body. I am sure the almighty would have kept something for me till my last breath. “
After some time the train reached Kollam Junction. Rajendran got down there.
“Well Sanjay…it was nice talking to you. Though we are total strangers, I opened my heart to you. I feel very relaxed. Anyway..thanks a lot for being a patient listener. Have a nice vacation. God bless you dear.”
Through the window of his compartment, Sanjay looked at the frail figure of Rajendran, walking along the platform. Few minutes later, the train whistled again and continued its journey further south. Sanjay kept on thinking about the plight of the poor old actor. He felt bad on thinking that he too had played a part in crucifying Rajendran.
“I can’t wash my hands like Pontius Pilatus. I am also partly responsible for his fate. I shouldn’t have taken part in that poll” .Sanjay whispered to himself.
One year later, it was again the awards season. As usual Sanjay got hooked to the internet to put up his opinion poll for selecting the best actor and actresses. He didn’t forget to go to the site for Golden raspberry awards in Malayalam. First he scanned through the names of the actors and actresses listed in various categories for the worst performance awards. Rajendran’s name was not there. Probably because he didn’t have any films that year. Sanjay didn’t vote for anyone. He looked at the web site in detail. Then he went straight into the feedbacks section in the website. After few thoughtful moments, Sanjay wrote..
“Hi..
Congratulations on your initiatives. I am a regular follower of the events in the film industry. Glad to know that people are serious about analyzing the performances of our actors and actresses. But I have a request to make. Before conferring the worst actor title to someone, and embarrassing that person, please take a minute to imagine, what consequences that can have in the life of that person. Not everyone has the endurance to ignore the shame this award brings with it. It can break someone to death. When I say this, my friend..I mean it….because I can never ever forget the tearful words of a man whom I voted as the worst actor.”
