Who can honestly blame the black gold?

 

Last week, a colleague of mine sent me a snapshot of a resignation letter from another colleague working in the same company. That letter was posted in a social media platform which raised a bit of storm. That colleague had accused the company, Shell (Oil and Gas major), for doing everything to harm the environment and doing nothing to reduce the harmful impact of oil and gas production to the environment. The person’s conscience did not allow for continuing in the company hence the person decided to end the long-lasting relationship with the company, which was very much valued by the person in fact. I respected and admired that person for taking such a bold decision and not compromising on the values upheld by that person. Leaving a company like Shell, after a long career would have been a difficult decision for that person.

Last year, Shell’s CEO, Ben van Buerden was confronted by a young Scottish climate activist in Edinburgh during a TED talk in which he was invited to speak. As an employee of Shell, I felt hurt somewhere deep in my heart, partly from the fact that, the accusations were against the company, which is giving me my bread and butter, and partly because, I was finding it difficult to sift the truth from the loads of fake news spreading around the globe through various media and find out what exactly is happening. I also respected Ben the way he handled the situation and made his and Shell’s stand clear.

Few years back, I happen to read about the child climate activist from Sweden who had avoided all plane travels just to minimize contributing to greenhouse gas emissions. I really admired that person for leading by example. Before accusing anyone of any wrongdoing, a responsible person should walk the talk which is exactly what this young activist did. This person too was very much critical of Shell and other companies producing Oil and gas as their activities pollute the environment with lot of green house gases, especially CO2.

Introspection

The above mentioned three incidents are just a few that came to my mind in the context of growing resistance or hatred towards fossil fuels and the companies that are involved in the extraction of fossil fuels. This prompted me to have an introspection and see what my thoughts are in this subject. Before I can dwell deep into that, let me put here some statements which are unambiguous in my mind.

-        Do I believe that the climate crisis is happening, and it is not something like a fake news? Absolutely, I do believe it is happening.

-        Do I believe that the Oil and Gas companies contribute significantly to the increased emission of green house gases like CO2? Absolutely yes. But so are other companies like cement industries, metal manufacturing companies, fertilizer producing companies etc. Contributions come indirectly from anyone who chooses to use the products from such companies as well. Is it fair to hide those contributions? Not at all.

-        Do we need to reduce the dependency to fossil fuels and use more renewable and green energy? Fully agree that we need to move towards the green energy solution. But I am not foolish to hope that the transition will happen at 100% scale in few days’ time. It must be a pragmatic solution with a mix of solutions that can slowly replace the fossil fuels with green alternatives, not just in the energy sector, but in the countless other sectors where now petroleum products are used.

-        Do I believe that the world will say goodbye to Oil and Gas forever? Well... I cannot answer this with confidence now. If technological revolutions in energy space and material sciences change drastically, this is not an impossible thing to happen. But the pragmatist in me says, that it will not happen in my generation’s time.

-        Am I contributing to the global emissions of CO2 and hence the climate crisis, as my job involves finding hydrocarbons? Partly yes. But partly I am contributing to the comfortable life of people all around me, as the hydrocarbons I help to find, eventually go into the making of countless products that we all use in our daily lives.

As my entire career has been with Oil and gas companies, my analysis and opinions may be biased towards them. But I am trying my best not to be biased, as I too have a responsibility towards the world I live in, the next generation, like my daughter, whom I am raising in this world. I do think and question about my actions, through my company’s actions, which can impact the climate of the world my daughter is growing in. So, if not to anyone else, I will be true to myself in my analysis. If there are any wrong conclusions, that could be purely because of my lack of knowledge in the subject or my lack of proper information and not because of any bias or intention to defend the oil and gas producers.  

Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone

Every time I see some protest in the name of climate crisis, every time I see someone pointing fingers to the oil and gas companies, I remember the quote from Bible which says, “Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone”. So, I ask this question in my mind.

Do these protesters or activists understand the full impact of the usage of fossil fuels? Or are they looking at the superficial picture only? If they are truly concerned about the climate impact caused by the fossil fuel industry and choose to portray those companies as evil, then ethically speaking who has the right to make such protests? In my view, such persons, should

•         Avoid any vehicles to travel, not just petrol and diesel vehicles, but Electrical vehicles also, as many parts in those vehicles use petroleum products (lubricants, plastic parts, upholsteries to name a few).
•         Avoid using mobile phones, credits cards, deodorants, cosmetic products, perfumes, synthetic cloths, toothbrush, paste, detergents, shampoo as all of which have petrochemicals derived from oil and gas. (Even the 100% cotton cloths will have plastic parts like buttons, sometimes)
•         Walk only on the unpaved roads as the modern city roads are made using tar (petroleum product), or concrete (which has cement, product of another industry, which contributes to global CO2 production).
•        Stop using any form of heating system in the winter, unless the heat source is not from natural gas. But remember that, even if a non-oil and gas type source is used, there will be countless petroleum products used during the production of that source of energy.
•         Eat only food that is grown at their home in a 100% organic way, as the food we get from outside would have used fertilizers, preservatives etc., which again have link to petrochemicals.
•        Live in perhaps unpainted mud houses or unpainted wooden houses only as concrete and paints both have link to industries contributing to the green house emissions.

The list can be enormous. I honestly believe that anyone who wants to blame the oil and gas industry should first renounce all such products used to provide comforts in her/his life and then do the protest which is ethical. If the person is not ready to renounce the comforts, do not want to engage in a dialogue to look for solutions, but just want to point fingers to an industry, it is nothing but hypocrisy. I was not being sarcastic here. But I just wanted people to look beyond what they see on the top. Think with a pragmatic mindset before opposing anything blindly.

Some may think that I am advocating for continuing the extraction of Oil and gas in a reckless way to hamper the environment we live in. Note at all. As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, I am very much aware of the impact of Oil and gas production. I also believe that the solution lies in putting equal pressure on

•        Governments to provides more financial aid and incentives to organizations and academia to look at alternate options at a rapid time scale.
•         Governments to implement policies that will mandate carbon neutrality immediately.
•         Researchers in the academia to work on war footing to bring the changes required to move away from fossil fuels with alternatives.

These should be happening with a constructive mind set and not with a blame game or destructive mentality. People should accept the fact that the usage of petroleum products are so deep rooted in our daily lives, and one should not be blinded by the statements that moving out of fossil fuels for energy usage can solve the climate crisis. Still, we are dependent on the fossil fuels for the petrochemical components used in daily lives. So, a gradual transition with a mix of fossil fuels and greener renewable solutions, with more focus on getting carbon neutrality or even getting into more carbon negative space, is the way forward in my view, which I think is more constructive thinking.

Potential Solutions

As a tech savvy person and a geoscientist, I feel there is good potential for technologies like Carbon Capture and Sequestration (CCS), which can help in reducing the global emissions of CO2 into the atmosphere and achieve carbon neutrality (net zero emission) or even “net negative” emission. It is not impossible. A small county, Bhutan, has proved that natural solutions can be effective in becoming carbon negative. It is the only country now in the world to achieve this (i.e., Bhutan absorbs more CO2 in a year than it emits into the atmosphere, through its abundant forest cover). CCS technologies can be used to capture CO2 from various emitters, and it can be then stored in the underground formations permanently without impacting the environment. Till a complete replacement for fossil fuels and petrochemicals are found, CCS based solutions can help in using fossil fuels and renewable energy solutions together with minimum impact on environment. But strong commitments and encouragement from governments around the world are critical for such technologies to be implemented. Another key factor critical in the success of such solutions is the proper awareness of the stakeholders like the common man, who now faces the risk of being bombarded with fake information as well. Baseless fears, triggered by fake news can kill a project, as seen from many examples around the world. They should be properly informed about the pros and cons of any such technology and their concerns should be properly addressed. Activism should concentrate the energy into such things rather than in blindly opposing anything.

We all know that plastic is not good for environment. But can we think of having a 100 % plastic free life suddenly? One may argue that civilizations existed before the invention of plastics. Yes, it is true. But the lifestyle and comforts enjoyed by those civilizations were also different and not comparable to what we have today. The solution is to advance further in research and development and invent more ecofriendly materials to replace petroleum dependent products. That needs time, though I agree that we are perhaps sitting on a time bomb and have limited time on our hands, before things can spiral out.

Nations will have boundaries. But the global climate will not follow national boundaries. The problems we face are not just one nation’s or few individual’s or few company’s problems. It is impacting everyone. Hence there is no point in engaging in a blame game. Rather think about the scenarios to co-exist and then gradually find alternates to everything for which now we are dependent on petrochemicals or fossil fuels.

Who is the real culprit?

What is the real problem? Is it the fossil fuel usage or the emission of CO2 into the air? I believe that we should focus our attention to the real problem of CO2 emission. Fossil fuel usage is a secondary problem which need not be the prime focus in my view. When the primary problem is addressed adequately, the secondary problem will no more be a problem.  If there can be a way to reduce the CO2 entering the atmosphere, without renouncing the oil and gas products (though we need to reduce the usage in a timely manner as discussed earlier), isn’t that a solution we should look for? The technology like CCS which was mentioned earlier, is important in this context. Bringing in more cleaner fuels like Hydrogen (Blue or Green Hydrogen) , Enhanced or Advanced Geothermal solutions, at the same time use CCS to capture the CO2 from the fossil fuel related usage, should be a way forward.

Tail End

Recently during my business trip to the Hague in Netherlands, I was watching many office commuters and college going kids using bicycle, or public transportation like trains and Trams. I have seen that many times before also. But this time I looked at it from a climate change crisis point of view. Many of those people had the choice to use a car instead of bicycle or trams. Instead, they chose a greener option. But also note that there were, proper infrastructure like a separate road for cyclists. If that infrastructure was not there, perhaps the number of cyclists would have been much less. So, I believe that everyone should make choices responsibly, in a constructive way, rather than in a negative and destructive way. Also, the governments should support and fund the initiatives to help people and companies to make environment friendly choices. If it is only finger pointing and blame game, perhaps the world will be marching towards a point of no return. I wish not to even think of that Apocalyptic time.

As a lover of science fiction movies, admirer of Elon Musk and the fictional Tony Stark in Avengers movies, I believe that some drastic technology, a game changer, might change the way how the world works now.

When Henry Ford came up with the Ford car, the problem of “horse poop” filling the streets of London and New York (as the mode of transportation at that time was horse driven carts),  “the great horse manure crisis” forecasted by the experts of that time disappeared into oblivion. They predicted that the streets of London and New York would be soon filled with horse poop. But the prediction went wrong with the emergence of automobiles. Similarly, I hope to see another Ford, who may help in making the current problem of climate change a thing of the past. Is it too much wishful thinking?

 

Jose Varghese

2^nd June 2022

Bangalore

  

References

1.     TheGreat Horse Manure Crisis of 1894

2.     Petroleumproducts used in daily life

3.     Stigma iscosting oil and gas majors their staff

4.     Bhutan-Carbon negative country

5.     TEDconference – Ben van Beurden

6.     Whatis CCS

7.     CCS talks- all youneed to know about CO2 storage

8.     EnhancedGeothermal Systems

9.     Hydrogen  Fuel

 

A difficult Question

 

I am scared…

One might think that it is too early for me to worry about this. But the fact is that, the news trickling down from every source around me makes me worried about the kind of a life that awaits my daughter when she grows up. Just like me, many other parents, at least in my country, would be thinking on the same line. I am not getting scared because of the ongoing pandemic, or climate change, or rising unemployment or any other reason of similar nature. Of course they are also reasons of concerns. But more than anything,  I am just scared of the mindset people on the social setup like patriarchy and associated social menace attached to it; notably the notorious dowry system.

Since last few months, social media and news channels have been inundated by the avalanche of stories about dowry related deaths. Women are being subjected to abuse physically and mentally in large numbers, in the name of dowry. It eventually leads to the death of the women concerned, either as suicide or homicide. In some cases, justice is served sooner or later. But in some cases, justice hides into oblivion and the culprits go scot free, due to the loopholes in our notoriously slow system of justice.

Every time I read such news, something pierces my heart. Couple of weeks back, there was a similar case from Kerala, where a young and dynamic girl committed suicide (as per the primary investigation it is a suicide. It could be murder as well). She was frequently harassed by her spouse in the name of dowry in spite of bringing in dowry in cash and kind already during the marriage. Some reader of an online news channel made a comment on that news article, which keeps on echoing in my mind. He asked… “would anyone be courageous enough to put the statement in the matrimonial column for their daughters that no dowry will be given?”. That stirred a lot of thoughts in my mind. I realized that it is a hard and difficult question.

Since my childhood I have been listening to the stories of dowry being part of the Indian institution of marriage. Till some age, I grew up believing that to be a norm under the patriarchal society we live in. Perhaps while studying in college and university I started to develop my own views around this system. Even then, while I listened to the conversations that happened in my family and extended family during marriages, I didn’t feel anything wrong with that custom of giving the bride and the groom some “gifts” for their future family life. Every family did it. So, it was the norm. Of course, I had already developed a strong disagreement on the “dowry demand” from the groom’s side and any domestic violence meted out to women in the name of dowry. But the mutually agreed “gift” given from the girl’s family, as an unwritten rule, was still sounding normal to me.

Slowly I began to know more about the social menace of the so-called dowry system and how it caused crimes against women. Without break, stories used to appear in new papers about some newly wed bride committing suicide, or some bride dying due to gas explosion or pressure cooker explosion, and many more. It was at that time I started thinking behind the logic in that socially accepted norm. With shame and grief, I realized that we all are part of a system that considered marriage as an auspicious ceremony as well as a commodity selling function. Various strata of the society used this dowry system in different levels. While the rich and affluent people used that as an opportunity to flaunt their wealth, the poor and lower-class people felt the burden of raising enough money to marry off their daughters. People had to sell off their life’s earnings and belongings to raise enough cash or goods or gold to conduct the marriage of their daughters.

 The  dowry system has long been prohibited under Indian laws including the Dowry Prohibition Act 1961 and subsequently by Sections 304B and 498A of the Indian Penal Code. But unfortunately, the law is widely criticized as being totally ineffective. People always find loopholes to bypass the law and still practice the system of dowry. Rather than calling it dowry explicitly, people might call it “pocket money” or “wedding gift” for the newlyweds. Hidden behind those synonyms would be the same financial  burden which many families cannot afford. Some people who could afford to give the newly weds cash or any other goods as pocket money, would be putting intense pressure on other people in their circle of family or friends or colleagues or cast or community, knowingly or unknowingly. Those who will face that pressure may or may not be able to withstand it. Financial turmoil, suicides, abetment to suicide and homicides become continuous stories for the press.

Though it might appear as a joke, it is a sad reality that there exists unwritten rate charts for grooms across India. It can vary from state to state, depending on the occupation of the groom in question. A government servant, that too in the higher ranks of the administration will have the highest “right” to demand the maximum dowry. On the other hand, an educated, well paid private firm employee, even if he is a CEO of a company, may not have that edge over the government servant groom in the eligibility race. Cash, gold, land and vehicles dominate the demand list within the dowry system.

I grew up listening to the phrases like, “marriages in Western culture do not last; frequency of divorces is very high in the west; culture and values in marriage in Indian system are superior”.  Well… I am not here to claim any system as bad or good. I am a true believer that every culture has something good to offer and something bad to be avoided. The real good thing about the western culture is the fact that people who develop a liking for each other, decide to live together and raise a family irrespective of their age, cast, colour, even same sex. There is no involvement of anything like dowry there. But in India, this system of dowry is very prevalent even among highly educated people. Also, with fear and sadness I realize that the Indian institution of marriage is not immune to divorces as we preach. Domestic violence in the name of dowry plays a significant role behind that raising number of divorces, suicides and homicides.

While I never acted as a rebel within the family, questioning the dowry system in any marriages that I have been part of, I started questioning in my mind, the moral values behind the concept of dowry. If the increasing number of crimes against women in the name of dowry were not there, perhaps I would not have even thought about questioning the system. I would have continued to accept the “well intended” practice as the norm. Unfortunately, countless families fell into the wormhole of dowry. Harassment in the name of dowry and deaths became a usual content of news channels and social media. Recent spike in such incidents, either due to actual increase in incidents or may be due to a greater number of incidents being reported, prompted me to pen down my thoughts on this subject.

Nobody can predict tomorrows. But still, we all hope for tomorrows, day after tomorrows and plan for the future. So do I. I hope that when my daughter grows up, I will get her married to a suitable boy. Behind that hope, like every father would have, there are still many fears and apprehensions.

·        What kind of a boy would he be?

·        What kind of a family would he be from?

·        Will he be joining the same bandwagon of people expecting or demanding something as a price money to look after my child?

·        Will I have the courage to say no to any proposal that comes with the unwritten or implicit demands of dowry or a price tag?

·        If something undesirable happens, as a loving father, would I be able to do anything for her at that time?

There are more questions that cloud my mind. I have not mentioned them explicitly here. Out of the five questions I mentioned here, the first four are beyond my control. But for the last one at least, I can do something. For that I don’t have to wait for the future. I can do that now itself.

I think, every parent should think about making their child capable to standing on their on foot. In our patriarchal society this happens normally for the boy child. Many people with a progressive mindset do the same for girl child as well.  I wish to give my daughter the best education I can give, so that she can stand on her foot and not be dependent on anyone for a living.

So, the best thing I can do is to find what her passions are, promote them, and give her the best education which will help her in sharpening her skills, improve her employability, widen her vision about the world we live in. Once she learns some life skills, lands on a good job, and learns to take care of her first, perhaps I will have the courage to answer the question asked by the online news reader … “Yes, my friend… I will put that upfront in the matrimonial column...No prices tags will be accepted … no dowry will be given”.

I sincerely pray that the system will change for good… the mindset of people will change…and no bride dies in the name of dowry.

 

Jose

Bangalore

14th July

 

 

 

Reflections of the COVID-19 Times

It has been a while since I made the last post here. Unfortunately the time I decided to come back here is a traumatic time for the whole world. We are all participating in a big fight against the corona virus. This post is my reflection on this fight since the last two months.

The beginning

In the last few weeks, I participated in two nationwide events as per the request of our honorable prime minister Narendra Modi. First one was by clapping for five minutes, standing at the balcony of my house, to honor our health care workers fighting the deadly COVID-19 and the second one by lighting a candle to symbolically chase away darkness looming over the country and the world. While I stood in my balcony along with my family during both events, I was overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety. I wished my participation along with my fellow countrymen was for some celebration of victory or some other happy occasion. But it was not. While I was still standing there in the comforts of my balcony, I remembered for a moment, thousands of my fellow countrymen who are not fortunate enough to stand comfortably and participate in those nation-wide events. I also got reminded of the fact that, though human race can boast of sending remote controlled vehicles to the edge of our solar system, scale new heights in every aspects of our life though scientific discoveries, perform miracles through artificial intelligence, a small microorganism, an unseen enemy, could bring humans to their knees, make powerful nations scream and shiver and make the whole world run for life. I have realized and accepted the fact that I am now living in unprecedented times with unheard incidents happening. Life would be different after we get over this crisis for sure.

I was in the Hyatt Regency hotel in Trinidad in the month of January 2020 when I first heard about the corona outbreak in the city of Wuhan in China. At that time, I too had developed severe cough due to my hectic travel schedules. The Physician whom I met there, prescribed medicines and comforted me that what I have is a normal sore throat. Just to be safe, I wanted to get some face masks during my return to India. A colleague took me to almost all medical shops in Trinidad to look for face masks. At that time, COVID-19 has not spread to the whole world. Perhaps due to that reason I didn’t get any mask in Trinidad. Fortunately, another colleague who had a stock of face masks provided me a pack of them. While I traveled through the airports wearing the mask, I could see some people staring at me as I was one of the very few people wearing it at that time. When I reached Gatwick airport on my transit, I saw security personal loudly conveying to their colleagues standing far away, pointing to me that “he is coming from Trinidad. Its OK”. They were confirming that I am not coming from any COVID-19 affected regions.

The spread

Over the next two weeks, the world was already on its way to change to the current condition we see all around. Fear and anxiety were growing slowly. Some countries started taking things seriously while for others it was still a trivial issue like a seasonal flu. I had another business travel coming up in the Netherlands. My family was very much afraid of letting me go. I was in a dilemma too. Should I surrender to the fear or should I perform my duty? The day I was supposed to travel, the first COVID-19 case was reported in the Netherlands. That triggered my decision to cancel my trip which was supported by my manager as well as senior colleagues, which now I consider as a good decision I took. Since then, COVID-19 cases and mortalities in the Netherlands have reached very high, which is alarming especially for a small country like it.

At the time of writing this note, in April, the world is completely in a different situation. One after another the nations are fighting this unseen enemy. Death toll in every country is going northwards. Heart melting stories are heard from every corner of the world. The initial days I was inundated with this type of scary news from all around.  World Health Organization correctly coined this overdose of information as “Infodemic” which definitely had an impact on the mental health for me and people around me. It was depressing to hear all negative news throughout. It was acting as a catalyst to accelerate the rise in anxiety levels in me.

 Every time I read or watch news on COVID-19 related causalities, see the suffering of fellow human beings around the globe, hear the plight of daily laborers whose only route for getting their income is stopped by the country wide lock down in India, I thank the superpower whom people identify with various names – the almighty, for

• My family and I are healthy and safe from any deadly infections.
• My friends and colleagues whom I know are healthy.
• I can work from the comfort of my home and to do that, I have a job and I have a shelter- a home.
• Even with the limited supply of groceries and essentials, my family and I are not starving for food.
• My family and I have meals three-time a day and sound sleep.
• Till today I didn’t have to worry about my salary as I get it regularly even at this troubled time.
• I am in my own country where the government is putting up the best efforts to fight this deadly disease.

My reflections

Nowadays the media is flooded with facts, figures, charts and analysis of COVID-19 situations around the world. I am familiar with the bar charts, histograms, cumulative distribution charts and trend analysis of oil and gas related subsurface data as part of my job. Now I am looking at similar visuals on data related to COVID-19 infection around the globe, which constantly puts the question to my mind – when will this be over?

When I look at those charts and figures, I try not to see them just as statistical data, but as reflections of the plight of my fellow human beings everywhere around me.

• Someone dying in the hospital beds and getting cremated without even getting last rites.
• Someone going to the hospital, leaving the family of dear and near, not knowing whether he or she will be able to come back to them.
• All those health care workers risking their own life and the life of their family and come forward everyday to take care of the COVID-19 patients in hospitals.
• People getting ostracized by their fellow human beings due to social stigma and fear associated with COVID-19.
• Daily laborers who have no means to make both ends meet and feed self and the people dependent on them.
• People who made plans for future, had dreams of a bright tomorrow, but within few days those plans gone haywire and dreams snatched away from them.

While I stand by the decisions taken by our honorable prime minster to lock down the country, the collateral damages it has already brought to the country and country men are perhaps beyond what my small brain can imagine. All I can hope is that the best brains in my country and elsewhere are already into action to limit these collateral damages and look for a way forward.

What it taught me

Though it is all negativity around, the current situation has taught me few things.

Resource utilization: As part of my job I analyze the utilization of human resources. But at home, I have not been critically looking into the optimum utilization of resources, be it food items, groceries, vegetables, snacks and even cloths. Everything was available in plenty and thankfully all my needs were within my buying capacity. Now the situation is different. Though my buying capacity has not changed, what is available to me is limited. Food items and daily essentials needed are rationed. Going out to buy grocery is to be considered only if it is essential. Weekend shopping used to be a family outing till few weeks back. Now I have adapted to the changed situation. As a hardcore non-vegetarian, I used to eat a lot of chicken and used to dine out frequently. But I have successfully transformed to a full vegetarian for about five weeks, though it was forced upon me. Food items which I used to avoid, as I never had taste for it, I eat them now without complaints. I have survived so far without any of those food items I am crazy about. I see value in everything I disliked. For me what is important is to sail through the lock down period (may be beyond) with what I have. I want to minimize the exposure my family and I can have by going out unnecessarily to buy things.

Realizing the value of every small item: Everyday when the delivery boys bring the stuff I have ordered online, I go towards the front door of my house with lot of anxiety and nervousness. Did they deliver the stuff I needed? or they cancelled it due to lack of stock? Once I see the ordered stuff in front of my door, I grab them with the same enthusiasm a treasure hunter might have when discovering a hidden treasure, he was dying to discover. I had this feeling when one crate of eggs was delivered to my home two weeks back. The last stock of eggs was utilized to make homemade cake for my daughter’s birthday which we celebrated with everything made at home.

Realizing the fear factor around: Paranoia and stigma have no relation to education or social status. People get paranoid easily. They don’t hesitate to stigmatize fellow humans. Surprisingly even the educated people do that. In the initial days of this pandemic itself when my daughter and wife were going down in the lift and when my daughter sneezed, an elderly person in the lift asked seriously “where is your mask?”. At that time people have not started wearing masks as a habit. Viral infection has not even crossed double digits in India by then. But still the fear factor was slowly creeping into people’s mind. Now all are afraid of touching newspaper, doorknobs, lift buttons, vegetables, grocery items and anything that comes from external hands. My everyday morning ritual is to wash the milk packets in soap water to disinfect them. Same rituals I apply for vegetables and grocery packets. I start to wonder; how fearful we all are about the little unseen enemy- a virus. Two weeks ago, rumor mills were constantly working to spread the fear by mentioning which flat or house in the apartment complex has COVID-19 patients. I feared that soon people might start labeling others with a strange and hostile mindset. Thankfully we didn’t reach that stage and people started behaving in a more civilized manner.

Lies, Hoaxes, and min-information: Social media has been at its best with people educating friends, colleagues and relatives about COVID-19, methods to cure and prevent the disease and even finding humor at this time of crisis. Initially I also used to enjoy those humors, trolls and memes. At times I used to forward them to people in my contact list as well. Then one day I received a thought-provoking message from someone. It said, “you will find the humor in these COVID-19 jokes until either you or someone you love is affected by COVID-19”. It was really a disturbing but eye-opening message. Since then I stopped forwarding such COVID-19 jokes to anyone. I also started to disregard any forwarded messages from unreliable or unauthentic sources which might be hoaxes and could be instrumental is instigating communal disharmony and fear. Some people forward messages with good intent but not realizing that it is a hoax message or fake news. Now I think thrice before pushing the forward button on any such messages I receive. I also try to do a fact check through some reliable internet resources before I believe such news.

Do it yourself: In a typical Indian household, if one day the maid servant does not come, hell may break out. People are dependent on the house maids to do many chores at home like mopping and cleaning of the room, washing the utensils, dusting the windows and even cooking. I too have a maid. Managing one or two days of her absence was not a difficult thing. But is it manageable for a prolonged period? It was beyond the imagination for my wife and me. But this little virus taught us the fact that managing our own house by distributing the household chores between me and my wife is not an impossible task. I could happily experiment by taking up the role of the maid servant to wash the utensils, cleaning the house with vacuum cleaner, even enjoy cooking some delicious food items as a cook. It reminded me of my days as a bachelor, when I used to do everything in my house all by myself.

Last thoughts

May be the best positive side of all these developments under the lock-down period, is the good amount of time I am able to spend with my wife and my daughter. Again when I say this, I should thankfully remember the millions of health care workers who are at the front line of the battle and the enforcement agency people who are fighting hard to implement measures to curb the spread of the virus, as they are not having the luxury of working from home and the good amount of personal time with family, like I have.

The grossly underestimated little virus has spread its grip all over the world. It didn’t spare anyone by looking into race, caste, religion, gender, financial status, social status, or geographical boundaries. When the world is going through the lock down and quarantine, it is proving that the greatest threat to our environment is the human beings only. The way we utilize the nature’s resources, and the way we pollute and strain our environment are causing irreparable damages. Nature has proven again that to bring the human beings with “I know everything” attitude or “nothing can beat me “attitude, to their knees, all it needs is just a microorganism which can’t be even seen.

Again, I wonder. When this struggle will be over. In the deep corners of my mind, the pessimist is getting worried and shoot up lot of questions continuously.

• Are the precautions I take good enough to protect me and my family from COVID-19?
• How is this going to impact my ability to travel and meet my dear and near ones who are far away from me?
• How am I going to respond to any family emergency that can come up?
• As the whole world is facing a turmoil, how this will impact my job, my career, the quality of life for me and my wife in the future, quality of life I dream for my daughter?
• Will there be job cuts or pay cuts?
• What will happen to my hard-earned money?
• How different the post COVID-19 world would be from the pre COVID-19 world?

I know that no one will be able to help me with answers to these questions. These things are beyond anyone’s expertise. I will take the predictions made by the pundits and statistical experts on how things will turn out, with a pinch of salt only. I will have to wait patiently and perhaps painfully for the time to tell me the answers.

But the optimist in me push me to look at the things in a different way. This pandemic has brought some behavioral changes in people worldwide. Though the effect may be temporary, it is heartening to see the reduction in air, water and noise pollution levels. I read reports about wild animals roaming freely on country roads as they try to reclaim their lost habitat. Air quality in many cities have improved considerably. I do not know how long this can be sustained. Time will only tell that.  Just like many other pandemics humans had won over, we will win against corona virus as well. Scientists and researchers across the globe are marching ahead on their mission to defeat the virus. I hope there will be a vaccine soon. Later generations in their textbooks will read about the heroic fight put up by our generation with COVID-19. Though I am not at the battle front, I too am participating in the fight by not venturing out, following the instructions given by the government and health care agencies on social distancing, to arrest the spreading of the disease. I am sure there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

I sincerely hope the human beings will understand the futility of fighting over geographical boundaries, religion, money and everything that is responsible for the calamities in this world. A big tragedy of this magnitude is happening perhaps to make us realize that none of these can help us when our health is affected severely. What is needed is love for each other, mindset to look after each other, irrespective of color, gender, religion, cast, and judicious utilization of nature’s precious resources.

Like John Lennon sang about a beautiful world in his iconic song “Imagine”, I wish the Post COVID-19 world is a better place to live than what we have now.

Signing off with everlasting optimism

Jose Varghese

13^th April 2020

My First letter to my daughter

My dearest daughter Joanna

Welcome to this world and to our family. Through this letter I just want to tell you how much me and your mummy wished for you. I want to tell you how eagerly we all were waiting for you. I know you are too young to understand all these. But I am sure, one day you will read this and understand.

one of your early ultra sound image

When I first got the news that your mummy is carrying, I was far away from her. I was studying rocks and mountains in Ireland, as a part of my job. That’s when your mummy called me and said, we are going to have a baby in nine months time. You know Joanna, that was a news I wished to hear for so long. When I came back and took your mummy to the hospital, the doctor congratulated me and your mummy for the good news and showed your first ultrasound scan image. You were so small like a bead. Can you imagine the

happiness we had on seeing that vague ultrasound image with some tiny bead like structure in it? We started weaving so many colourful dreams about you since then.

I used to get impatient at times. I felt the time was  moving very slow. I wanted to see you and hold you in my hands at the earliest. But then I also realised that god’s plans for a nine month period in your mother’s womb is very much needed for your growth. Then I would control my impatience and go back to my dreams.

The experiences me and your mummy had during that nine months period, were beautiful and we consider them as blessings from the almighty. Like, the joy in counting the days for your arrival, watching your mummy’s tummy grow, touching her belly, feeling your tiny movements inside your mummy’s belly and wondering whether it is your head or hands or legs. I know every parent would be doing this while waiting for their baby. We too had our share of joy from god. Week by week we used to look at books and journals to see what they tell about baby’s development inside the belly.

After 5 or 6^th month when your mummy’s tummy was larger and we could see your movements very often, I used to touch the belly and feel you move many times a day. Then also I used to get impatient. Just a  few muscular layers of flesh were separating me from touching you. When will you come out? Then immediately your mummy will tell me. “Let our baby complete the full time required to be inside. We should not be in a hurry. Just pray that our baby’s all organs are developed, he or she is a healthy baby and the baby come out only when it is the right time”

I don’t have a habit of praying for something to happen. I believe in being good and doing good things. Then I feel, god’s blessings will automatically come our way. I consider God as a friend and make friendly conversations with him when I am alone. But for you, I did pray to him several days, along with your mummy, to give us you as a healthy sweet baby.

From our bookish knowledge we knew that baby’s can understand voices after some month’s of development while they are inside the womb. So I used to sing songs for you . I used to call you with so many pet names thinking that you might be listening to me. At that time since we didn’t

know whether you are a boy or a girl, I used to call you with boy names as well as girl names.

The doctor here in Malaysia asked us whether we want to know about your gender before you arrive. To some people knowing the gender might be  a perfectly right option. But for us, we decided not to know. We wanted to live though the excitement of not knowing that till you come out of your mummy’s tummy. Whether boy or girl, we knew that you are a gift from God. We were more than happy to accept the gift irrespective of the gender.  

In our culture, it is believed that one should not buy anything for the baby before the baby arrives. For that reason I resisted myself from buying cloths for you. But few days before my travel to India as the delivery date was approaching, I could not fight that temptation and I went to a baby store to buy some cloths for you. The lady in the store asked me, is it a boy or a girl? I said..’I do not know’. But, still I bought some cloths for you. The joy of not knowing certain things before we are supposed to know it,  is something great to experience Joanna.

But, personally I had a slight inclination towards a baby girl. Do you know why? I love to dress her up, bath her, comb her hair, buy nice little dresses (of course pink), play with her and above all, baby girls are less naughty than baby boys. My only worry of baby girls is the unfortunate state of the world they will be living in. They have to face a man’s world with ever increasing atrocities and harassment towards women. Gender inequalities and crimes happen even to baby girls. This is not only my worry. I know every parent with a girl child would have this thought somewhere deep in their heart. But that is not going to bring down the joy of having you even by atomic levels. I am not much worried about that. You know why? If the almighty can give you to us, he can protect you too from all the evils.

Do you know Joanna, how your arrival has changed our lives. There is a different meaning to life for me and your mummy. Our lives are filled with joy and hope. Few years back I used to worry that I am getting older and I would ask myself....will there be someone whom I can call my own? Who will inherit all that I have earned. Bhagavat Gita says that “all that you have today, will be someone else’s tomorrow”. I used to wonder, will that someone be someone of my own? When I used to see kids playing around, I used to silently ask my friend , God, hasn’t my time come?.

The answer to our prayers is you.. Joanna. So many days we waited in patience to have you into our lives. I just want to let you know how much you were desired, how much you mean to us and how much we love you.

Every time me and your mummy discussed about you, poured our love and affection even before you could arrive, I used to think of the many unfortunate babies in this world. Some are denied the right to live just after they are born into their mother’s womb, just because the parents did not want a baby girl. Some unfortunate babies are killed after they are born. Some are thrown to the wilderness because someone wants to escape from their sins or cover up the shame they may have to face. And the saddest of all, some innocent babies are harassed and abused as they live through their early lives.

I sometime fail to imagine the attitude of those people who do these atrocities. Me and your mummy were living each and every second with the desire to get you into our lives. Won’t such feelings be there in the minds of those people who do the atrocities. How can they do such heinous things looking at the innocent face of those babies. Except for few species, even animals would not do such things. But that’s reality. Whenever I used to read about such things, I would silently pray for those innocent babies who are denied a chance to live. We are lucky to have you Joanna and you are lucky to have us too, who wanted you in each and every second and who would do anything for you.

Ultra sound scan showing your face

After 7^th month into the pregnancy, your mummy had gone back to India and I had to be here for work. Even that was a difficult decision, as the only other choice was to have the delivery here, so that I am there with your mummy. But considering the better support system and better medical facilities near home, I decided to send your mummy back home. Then my plan was to be with your mummy two weeks before the expected date of your arrival. I wanted to ensure that I am with your mummy when she needs me the most and I wished to receive you in my hands from the nurse. You know, whenever I did daydreaming, I imagined about those wonderful moments of receiving you in my hands from the labor room. Often I wondered, what would be my feeling on seeing you for the first time. Just before your mummy left for India, we went to see the doctor here and she showed us an ultrasound scan image of your face. That time the doctor said that the baby was looking like me with chubby cheeks. My limited vocabulary does not allow me to express the happiness I had on seeing that image of you. Later, I looked at that picture and tried to make up a full picture of your face for countless days. 

But you decided or may be my friend God decided on your behalf to send you a day before my  arrival in India.

This was your first photograph..

 Even though I planned my travel dates two weeks in advance from the expected date of your arrival, (as told by the doctors) you were born on the day I was traveling. I was preparing to go to the airport when I got a call from your aunty, saying that your mummy is being taken to the operation theater. As I was taking my bags to be put into the taxi, I came to know that you, Joanna Jose, has finally arrived. That was the greatest news I ever heard in my life. At the same time, I was bit disappointed and  felt guilty, that I could not be by your mummy’s side when she badly need me . She wanted my presence when she went through the pain of normal delivery till last moment and then the pain of C-section too. As I wished, I could not be there to receive you in my hands. But those disappointments are nothing when compared to the enormous joy I had, hearing about your arrival. I looked at the positive side of that. Since you came earlier than expected, I was able to spend all the days of my vacation with you.

When I bordered the plane to India, I was filled with excitement to see you my baby. The hours in the plane and the time spent at the airport during transit appeared like days and years. I was impatient to reach home and take you into my hands. But you know, I was gripped by some unknown fear as well. It was only two weeks prior to that the Malaysian airlines flight MH 370 disappeared without trace. Normally I am a positive thinking person. But for some reason I had a fear in my mind. What if I don’t’ get a chance to see you? Then I held on to my positive outlook and looked at my friend God. When he plans everything for me, why should I worry. Even then, throughout that flight to India, I was constantly struggling between these positive and negative thoughts.

When I landed in Cochin in the midnight, even the  forty five minutes car journey seemed to me like too long. I was desperate to see you. Finally I arrived at the hospital and came to the room where you were sleeping beside your mummy. My dear Joanna, I do not know how to express the happiness I had on seeing you…wrapped in white cloths, and looking like the sweetest baby in the world, were you…the bundle of joy and a gift of god to us.

You are my bundle of joy

Though I had not completely recovered from the cough and cold I had then, I could not resist the temptation of touching you and kissing your soft hands and legs. Since I knew your tiny body is not fully prepared to resist any infection, I tried my best to stay away from you. I even wore a face mask to avoid transmitting the infection. You know how much I missed holding you in my hands during those moments. Had I been all right, I would have immediately taken you in my arms and kissed your chubby cheeks. More than anything that’s my right…isn’t it? But as a responsible father I had to make myself patient and keep my temptations under control.

When I touched you for the first time, I was on cloud nine. The softness of your chubby cheeks, your hands, your tiny fingers, the glitter in your eyes when you looked around, all these were extraordinary feelings which I cannot describe better. Only a person who had gone though that experience can understand what I felt.  I could not believe myself that, lying in front of me is my sweet angel, whom I can call my own. I could not believe that my dream of so many years have come true. I silently thanked my friend for giving you to me. Also I also thanked your mummy, who was lying beside you, looking pale and fragile, having gone though all the pains to bring you to this world. In my mind I apologized to her a thousand times for not being with her when she needed me the most. Knowing how much I love and care for her, I am sure your mummy will forgive me for that.

You completed our family

Since you arrived, I have been talking to you about so many things. I have been singing songs for you. I have learned changing nappies for you (though mummy does it most of the time for you). I enjoyed every second seeing you and talking to you, though you don’t understand anything I say. The feeling of becoming a father has not yet fully sunk in me. But I am reaching there…a bit slowly.

 Once again, I would thank my friend, God for sending you to us. Thank you for coming to our family. You completed our family. As sung by Donald peers in his old song ‘papa loves mamma’, you are a gift form god and a bundle of joy.

my hope in life...you

The world you have come to, is a great place, though it has its share of evils and negativeness. But I am sure you will grow and learn to realize the positive side of it and appreciate the good things in it. I will not make any promise to make you a doctor or engineer or anyone of my choice. But along with your mummy, I would help you to stand on your feet. We would help you to become a good human being. We would do our best to assist you in becoming what you want to be. That’s our promise to you Joanna.

None of us know what lies ahead of us. From experience I have learnt that certain things we want to tell our beloved ones, have to be told without waiting, before the opportunity to tell that is lost. Hence I am writing  this and I am sure you will read this, some day in the future. We just want to tell you again…you were so much desired to be into our lives. You were wanted so much my baby.

Long live my child. May god bless you. 

With thousand kisses..

Your loving papa and mummy.

Jose Varghese

Miri, Malaysia

12 May 2014

Clipart images : courtesy Google