Poem: Like a thorn in my heart

 

I wanted to forget that

 like a bad dream

But it hut me

Like a thorn in my heart

 

There was this young girl

Lovely and fair

Cooling my mind like

The rain in the sand

 

Songs of the birds and

The breeze in the air

I thought, will let my

Love for her bloom

 

Desire to tell her, when

Burned like a fire

I’s like a lovebrid

Flying into fire

 

And when I loved her

I never knew

My, once wounded  heart is

Going to be hurt

 

When I did tell her she

simply said no

I knew it will pinch me like a

thorn in my heart

 

Why did I love her

Though she didn’t want

Why did I tell her

Though she didn’t ask

 

I never knew that

The love in my heart

Was For someone who was

Not to be mine

 

To hide out my grief form

The world, all around

I masqueraded with

smile on my face

 

I,  tried  to forget the love

 I had for her

But, still it hurt me

Like a thorn in my heart

 

If there is someone

Destined to be mine

I’ll trouble her with 

My love,forever

 

If there is someone

Destined to be mine

I’ll trouble her with 

My love, forever

 

 

 

Near... But Far

 

The way you look, way you smile,

Puts me in a spell

Your words and sounds, like music notes

Touch my heart so deep

 

 The fragrance when you are near

Is like thousand roses bloomed

I am pulled so hard, close to you

By what you really are

 

I still remain as a stranger in your eyes

I feel you’re so near, still beyond reach.

 

Why don’t you come out from

The hideout of your home

I’m waiting to see you dear

Right outside your door

 

Why don’t you why don’t you

Say you love me too

I have been waiting to

Hear you say me so

              

But those words remain as elusive

Only in dreams that may come true

 

The way you look, way you smile,

Puts me in a spell

Your words and sounds, like music notes

Touch my heart so deep

 

The fragrance when you are near

Is like thousand roses bloomed

I am pulled so hard, close to you

By what you really are

              

I still remain  as a stranger in your eyes

I feel you’re so near, still beyond reach.

kaathirippu (waiting)

അരികിൽ വരുമോ പ്രിയ സഖി നീ 

ഇനിയും അകലാതിതു വഴിയേ 

കുയിലിൻ നാദം തോൽക്കും നിൻ 

ഗാനം കേൾക്കാൻ ഞാനിരിപ്പൂ 

ആ സ്വര വീചിയിൽ ഞാനറിയാതെയെൻ 

മാനസം ആനന്ദ നൃത്തമാടും 

പ്രണയം നിറയും നിൻ മിഴിയിൽ 

ഒരു മിഴി നീരായ് ഞാനലിയും 

പവിഴം പൊഴിയും നിന്നധരം 

എൻ അധരങ്ങളിൽ വന്നണയും 

ആ മൃദു സന്ധ്യയിൽ 

ഞാനറിയാതെ എൻ 

ഹൃദയത്തിൽ ആയിരം പൂ വിടരും 

അരികിൽ വരുമോ പ്രിയ സഖി നീ 

ഇനിയും അകലാതിതു വഴിയേ 

കുയിലിൻ നാദം തോൽക്കും നിൻ 

ഗാനം കേൾക്കാൻ ഞാനിരിപ്പൂ 

ആ സ്വര വീചിയിൽ ഞാനറിയാതെയെൻ 

മാനസം ആനന്ദ നൃത്തമാടും 

ജോസ് 

13 ആഗസ്ത് 2020 

A shoulder to cry on

No matter, how strong you are,
At times, you need, a shoulder to cry on.
If you are feeling sad, if you are feeling blue,
You need, to find, a shoulder to cry on.
 
It may be a friend, it could be your spouse,
May be someone, you get along,
But you know, you need, A shoulder to cry on.

No matter, how strong you are,
At times, you need, a shoulder to cry on.
You may be, a macho man,
Who might think, men will never cry;
You may be, a strong women,
Who can do, all that men can do;
But still there will be times,
When you will need, a shoulder to cry on.
 
No matter, how strong you are,
At times, you need, a shoulder to cry on.
When your mind play the games,
Put your heart in much pain,
Make you feel all alone,
And you feel like crying,
You need, to find, a shoulder to cry on.
 
When it rains grief around, Pull you down into hell,
Your soul is torn apart,killing you in pain,
You need, to find, a shoulder to cry on.
 
No matter how strong you are,
At times, you need, a shoulder to cry on.
Don’t give up, my dear friend, Keep all your hope aflame,
Don’t hide your emotions,Give that a path to flow,
Go out and find, Whom you can reach,
For a shoulder to cry on.
No matter, how strong you are,
At times, you need, a shoulder to cry on.
If you are feeling sad, if you are feeling blue,
You need, to find, a shoulder to cry on.
 
No matter, how strong you are,
At times, you need, a shoulder to cry on.

Ghazal - Ek Bat Purani

दोस्तों , कभी आपने प्यार किया है क्या? प्यार वापस न मिलने की वजे से दिल कभी दुःखी हुवा है क्या?
कभी कभी मुछे लगता है की , खोये प्यार की गम से टूटे हुवे दिल की ज़ख़्म को भरने के लिए उस प्यार की यादें ही काफी है. इस पर मैं ने एक कविता लिखी है. प्यार के बारे में जितनी कवितायेँ आज थक लिखी गयी है , उन कवितावों के समंदर में मेरी यह कविता सिर्फ एक बूँद है. आशा है आप इसे गौर से पढेंगे। ....

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दर्द भरी ये बात पुरानी    इस  मेहफिल में याद आई... इस  मेहफिल में याद आई।

तनहाई में  दर्दे दिल की  गहराईयों में खो गया मैं
अरस  किया मैं  ओ मेरी भगवान  , वापस दो मुछे मेरा प्यार
 खो गए सपने , मंज़िलें  टूटी , बहते रह गए मेरे नैन
दर्द भरी ये बात पुरानी    इस  मेहफिल में याद आई... इस  मेहफिल में याद आई।


इस जीवन के लम्बे सफर में , साथ आवोगे ये वादा किया था
भूल गए तुम वो कस्मे वादे , छोड़के चल गए  मुछको सनम
दिल कहा रो मत , आँसू न बहा , फिर भी रोये मेरे नैन
दर्द भरी ये बात पुरानी    इस  मेहफिल में याद आई... इस  मेहफिल में याद आई।


वक्त गुज़र गए  फिर भी सनम तेरे इंतज़ार में बैदा हूं मैं
उम्र थो बढ़ गयी, पर मेरे प्यार की आग जली है अब भी सनम
हस्ता हूं अब, मैं  दर्दे दिल से , तेरे आंखों की झलक मिलने की
इंतज़ार में रहता हूं सनम

दर्द भरी ये बात पुरानी    इस  मेहफिल में याद आई... इस  मेहफिल में याद आई,
इस  मेहफिल में याद आई। 

Prisoner of Past

I wanted to move forward,

every step of my life;

But the bitter memories of my past,

Kept pulling me down,

to a point of no return.

 

I wanted, to fly free, 

but my wings couldn’t move;

With luggage of grief and grudge,

anger and guilt,

bitter feelings taking all over,

Pulling me down to a point of no return.

For every step I make, three steps I go back;

My moods going low, my strength driving south;

My smile vanished, I was trapped in my thoughts,

I knew I was a prisoner of my past.

 

Like a phoenix bird,

I wanted to rise and fly;

Never to go back to,

 that point of no return;

I negotiated a deal with my past,

To have peace that was all I wanted.

 

My past then, whispered to me,

for peace in life, here is an offer to you;

Forget the past and forgive your foes

Take it or leave it’s a deal or no deal,

Only you can really make that choice.

T’was too good an offer, but hard to accept,

Thoughts from my past still kept bothering me,

I said to myself, I will never want to,

be a prisoner of my own past. 

So, I did accept, the pact with my past,

Willing to forgive and keen to forget,

I cut through the cage of the traps of my past,

Set myself free from the ever-haunting thoughts.

 Thanks to my past, stronger I am,

No more I feel like a prisoner of past,

Glad I am free, from the burdening thoughts,

I’ll never forget to live my life now.

Thanks to my past, thanks to my past,

No more I feel like a miserable man;

I’ve learned to go over those soul stirring thoughts,

No more I ‘ ll be a prisoner of past.

Jose

11th July 2020

The color of Black

I am sure nobody would have forgotten the incident of George Floyd. Though I do not know George Floyd, the shock waves created by that incident, touched my heart, somewhere deep. It is not an isolated incident. Discrimination over colour, gender, race and sexual orientation is all around us. That inspired me to write this song. It is told through the eyes of a little girl, who is feeling the brunt of colour based discrimination. Hope you enjoy...

Mummy dear tell me why is black a dull colour

Tell me mom, is that why, my friends make fun of me

The tone of skin if white of black , 

Is just a gift from almighty

Is it a crime to be a black , 

Is that why people treat me bad

I can’t take it any more mummy

Mummy dear tell me why is black a dull colour

Tell me mom, is that why, my friends make fun of me

If I ever meet the god, 

Surely I will ask him why

You made my skin with darker tone, 

You made black a dull colour

Why you didn’t put it in the rainbow

Mummy dear tell me why is black a dull colour

Tell me mom, is that why, my friends make fun of me

When white man uncle Jackson was, 

Living in the hospital

Fighting cancer all alone, 

My dad donated blood to him

Wasn’t that a black man’s blood mummy

Mummy dear tell me why is black a dull colour

Tell me mom, is that why, my friends make fun of me

When famous people on the  screen, 

Keep endorsing fairness creams

I wonder why the darker tone, 

Of skin is still frowned upon

Can’t they feel the love in heart mummy

Mummy dear tell me why is black a dull colour

Tell me mom, is that why, my friends make fun of me

Jose

28th June 2020

Promise

When I am feeling lonely I will think of you

Think of all the promises that I gave you

Need some time to do all the promises I made

Surely, I will do all those promises I made

I’ll never make you feel sad

It’s difficult to fulfill all the promises I know

I know how deeply you trust all my words

Though it might be hard for me, darling you must know

I might have to fight my own demons to keep words

Darling but I promise you that I’ll keep my words

All I want to do is to tell you my darling

Trust my words for now.

When I am feeling lonely, I will think of you

Think of all the promises that I gave you

Need some time to do all the promises I made

Surely, I will do all those promises I made

I’ll never make you feel sad

This is a song I composed to play in guitar. Me and my nephew Varun Rajesh played it and uploaded in YouTube in 2019.

Conversation with God

In my countless silent

conversations with my friend

the almighty god

i had asked him a million times

or perhaps more

oh dear god

with all those precious gifts

you have bestowed us

in this beautiful universe

why have you mixed miseries.

heartbreaks and sufferings

why do you want your creations

to suffer and endure pains

beg to you to sail

through a tempestuous life.

whenever I ask this

he will only smile at me

and look at my head

as if he is looking for

signs of grey hair

he would vanish without

answering my question.

now that i am getting old

and few streaks of white hair

have appeared on my head

i start to understand a bit

the answer to my question

though I am not there fully yet

just like the night and day

complement each other

our search for happiness

becomes meaningful only when

happiness can co exist with

pains and heartbreaks’.

Life goes on

Last week on highway

By the side of my old home

A speeding car knocked down a young man.

As the people looked terrified,

The speeding car vanished,

Leaving a young girl to cry.

She stood by her husband’s,

Motionless body,

Shedding the teardrops for him.

But next day by morning

The same road looked normal,

Life there was flowing as usual.

People moved as if,

Nothing ever happened,

Except for the young man’s widow.

I too then realized,

The world would be like that,

And life would flow just like before.

This week on highway

I saw one more car crash

Near to my workplace in downtown.

It took one life at once,

Three men were wounded,

Leaving a household in pain.

Then also I realized,

Nothing ever changes,

Life would flow just like before.

Nothing ever changes

And nothing will be changing

Life would flow just like before

One who lost something

Would cry for a short while

But they too would move on in life

Life is a journey

Full of surprises

It’ll always flow just like before

( A poem I wrote in 2017 September after I heard about a car crash near my office. )

If I had a time machine

As I scanned through the pile of

pictures and videos

taken a few years back,

I realized with sadness,

most of the events captured in

those beautiful pictures,

were not even in my memory.

wonderful times I spent

with my sweetheart,

times when I kept my ears

on her bulging belly,

to listen to our baby's moves,

giggles and blabbering of

our newborn child,

first words she uttered,

the way she crawled on the floor,

I could vaguely only recall them,
after seeing the pictures.

Time, age, stress and what not,

are perhaps taking a toll on

my memories.

Is it burdens of life and

unpleasant incidents

taking the place of good memories?

May be yes..may be not,

I do not know.

Then I prayed to god,

wish I have a time machine.

Time is flying very fast,

with its unstoppable journey,

it has erased some part of my

precious memories too;

Oh god..can I walk back in time?

To a time when I had more friends,

To a time when blood relations were not sour,

to a time when I walked the roads

 holding my moms hands,

Went to cinemas with my father

whom I could have loved

more than i did actually.

Please give me one more chance

to feel those moments once again.

I want to go back

to a time when I said something

or did something,

which I shouldn't have done in first place,

and undo what I did.
Please give me one more chance

to make those life corrections.

If only I have a time machine..

I know I am asking for

something  impossible to do.

But oh god you know,

I am just wishing

as there are no limits to do so.

Masquerade

We pretend it’s not there as no one asks
Yet, we all do wear a mask.
We behave as if we are what others see
Yet, over our faces we wear many masks you see.
From time to time we masquerade,
pick and choose the masks we need,
for no one sees us truly as we are!!

By how we show up at our work place
people often fail to see the conflicts
we hide deep in our minds
for what we show is our masked face.

Back at home with the people we love,
as father, mother, son or daughter
husband, wife, uncle or aunt,
we hide the struggles of our work place
for what we show is our masked face.


While we are with our beloved friends
we might open our hearts wide.
Yet, cleverly a part of it we do hide,
like an iceberg on the sea,
for what we show is a masked face.


But while in our solitudes,
within the confinement of our walls,
within the comforts of our own privacy,
we stand out as who we really are,
with no masks to masquerade.

If those walls had eyes and ears,
they could see we’ve been hiding for years,
an aching heart which they could comfort
and stop the tears from our moist eyes,
see us without judging eyes,
perhaps like our best friends do.

How much a better place this world would be,
if all our masks we could rip off 
and show our faces all clear and true
without any inhibitions of who
would judge or comment on us next.
But, it seems like a dream impossible,
for these masks are nothing but a,
part of you, me and all of us.
we have no choice but keep them till we die
we have no choice but keep them till we die.